How to Improve Your Likeability Score When You Have ADHD

By Cynthia Hammer, MSW, adapted from an article by Margaret Pan

If you think people are born charming, you’re mistaken — you can learn likability like any other skill.

According to a Harvard study, to be more likable isn’t to be polite, helpful, or have a good sense of humor. It’s asking more questions.

People tend to talk about themselves, trying to impress others, but that’s not the best strategy for making a positive impression. When you show genuine interest in someone else — by asking them questions regarding their life, thoughts, and feelings — you shift the focus of the conversation from yourself to the other person. You make the other person feel important, and that is key. People will never forget how you made them feel—valued and important, and maybe, even interesting.

But did you know the kind and order of your questions significantly affect how the other person will respond? To build trust and rapport, start with general, open-ended questions before progressing to more interesting ones.

Imagine you’re introduced to someone, and they immediately ask, “What is your biggest fear?” or “Tell me about your parents.” Wouldn’t these questions make you uncomfortable? Although they would provoke an interesting conversation, you wouldn’t want to share this information with someone you just met. 

First, you focus on building a connection between yourself and the other person.

Start with simple questions about every day matters: where are they from, what are their hobbies, and do they have any pets? Then, gradually, if things are going well, pose more personal questions to learn more about the other person..

Follow-up questions, as well, have an essential role because they signal an interest in the person you are talking to.

Here are some examples of follow-up questions: 

· Can you tell me more about…?

· Why do you think that?

· What do you mean by…?

· What about you?

Ask any follow-up questions in a casual, not probing, tone. You want to sound interested in the other person rather than conducting an interview.

Practice these few suggestions and you will be on your way to more engaging conversations while your likeability score soars.