It is Time to Stop Hiding Our ADHD
by Cynthia Hammer, MSW, Executive Director, Inattentive ADHD Coalition, www.iadhd.org and author of Living with Inattentive ADHD now available for preorder.
Could it be our fault that people find it hard to believe we have ADHD?
Most people won't get it. They say, "I do those things, too. It's not a big deal." Their forgetful moments and their occasional feelings of overwhelm are part of life. It's not a problem for them, so why is it a problem for you? They say in disbelief, "But you have always done well in school. You seem so organized. You have a thriving career. How can you possibly have ADHD?"
They don't realize the effort required for your achievements---and this is on us---because we work very hard to hide our effort and our challenges, and…..
It is time to stop hiding.
We didn't realize what we achieved took more out of us than it does for others. We didn't know life was easier for them.
We didn't ask, "Is there something the matter with me? Why do I spend four times as much time as my classmates on schoolwork? I'm smart. Why do I put in more effort? Why does it take me so much longer?"
We felt we were different, but we lacked the confidence to discuss our differences. We didn't let people know about our challenges. Instead, we hid our differences and our challenges as much as possible.
ADHD is a hidden disorder. There are no physical signs or telltale behaviors to make a person think, "There is something going on here that needs exploration." So, is it any wonder that people who haven't been diagnosed with ADHD, don't understand it? Don’t believe you could have it?
We wanted to avoid the shame, the ridicule, the jabs, and the sly remarks. We masked our challenges and made a supreme effort. We kept trying harder!
But what we thought would help, hasn’t. We absorbed the critical comments and the dismayed looks. We became super sensitive to rejection. Living with hidden ADHD often meant living with depression and anxiety, too.
And….It is time to stop! To stop the shame, to stop the masking, to stop the negative self-talk.
The only way forward is for people with ADHD to disclose their ADHD and ask for help and understanding. We must educate others about our ADHD brains and our need for neurodivergent-inclusive schools and workplaces. We can only fight stigma and misunderstanding about ADHD when we are open and honest with ourselves and with others.
We must realize that we don’t stand alone. We are part of a burgeoning neurodivergent community as more and more people speak up after learning about their autism, their bipolar disorder, their anxiety, their ADHD and on and on. We need to join with them, our neurodivergent tribe.
Bill Gates once told an Arab nation that they were not benefitting from half their population by excluding women from the workforce. When neurodivergent people are not welcomed and nurtured, we eliminate or reduce the productivity of up to 20% of the population. So I say again....
It is time to stop hiding our ADHD.