ADHD?—Get Over It, Girly!

Curated and edited by Cynthia Hammer, MSW

Living with ADHD is hard.  Being told you don’t have ADHD (even when a physician has diagnosed you) is beyond hard.  But being told simplistic ways you could stop having ADHD, is the most maddening of all.  It insults and diminishes our challenges in one fell swoop.

Here are some of the demeaning experiences and suggested responses posted by women diagnosed with ADHD.

I feel infantilized and invalidated as a person when someone asks, Have you tried to focus? Don’t they think I have the intelligence to think for myself, like a normal adult or, you know, someone over

If the person questioning you wears glasses, you could retort, ”I don't think you need glasses. You should try focusing without them.”

 An acquaintance told me,” I don't think you have ADHD.” I wanted to put her down and say, “And how the fuck would you know?”  Seriously. They don't have it. They don't read about it. They don't have the education and training to diagnose it, so how the fuck would they know?

 It really boils my blood how people dismiss the life experience of others based on their clearly uninformed opinion and think it’s acceptable behavior.

I have learned that most people don’t actually want to understand what you’re going through. They would rather dismiss it so they can feel better.

How I'd love to be able to ditch my ADHD. Can you please ask your mom how she'd advise doing it?

I’ve gotten the most shaming from undiagnosed people who were raised with those shaming messages. I am sure I was that person on more than one occasion before my diagnosis.

I think sexism comes into play big time in the representation, diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in women.

Denying its existence in women is a form of gas lighting.  It’s a way to tell women that it’s all in our heads; that the struggles we face every day and in all aspects of our lives aren’t real.

It’s as if you’re exaggerating. It explains why many ADHD symptoms in women are typically minimized or dismissed as something else.

It’s sad to think how many women struggle with ADHD and are misdiagnosed.

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P.S. If you have ADHD, it’s worth checking for comorbidities.  It wasn’t long after I learned about my ADHD, that my doctor sat me down to tell me I also have an irresistible personality AND unmatchable charm.