Do You Have a Wall of (ADHD)Awful?

by Cynthia Hammer, MSW

Dr. Rakesh Jain is a psychiatrist with great empathy for people with ADHD.  He believes one symptom that should be included in the DSM-5 but isn’t, is how often we don’t attempt something because our fear of failure, because of our a history with failure.  Brendan Mahan, an ADHD Coach, calls this “The Wall of Awful.”  Our memories of our past failures prevents us from attempting something again. 

I immediately realized this applied to my son with ADHD.  As a child we couldn’t get him to try anything new unless he was absolutely sure he would be successful.   

But I thought, “I don’t have a Wall of Awful.  I’m not afraid to try things.” However, the longer I thought, the more I realized, “I have a Wall of Awful.”

I studied German for two years in high school.  The college I went to required certain level of proficiency in a foreign language to graduate.  I didn’t pass the language proficiency test so had to take a year of beginning German in college.  Since then I have told myself,” I can’t learn a foreign language.”  When I was in Malawi with the Peace Corps, I didn’t try to learn the local language.  I told myself, ”I can’t learn a foreign language.”

I took piano lessons as a child, but never progressed to a level where someone would want to hear me play.  “I can’t play a musical instrument,” I told myself and stopped trying

I took ballroom dance lessons but couldn’t remember the steps.  I told myself, “I can’t learn to dance. I will never remember the steps.”  And we stopped dance lessons.

What have I attempted and quit because I wasn’t as good as I wanted to be or as good as others?  Gardening, home decorating, clothes shopping, penmanship, personal appearance, housekeeping, cribbage, Blokus, singing and the list goes on.

Maybe I am missing out, or maybe I am being smart, pursuing only those activities which I enjoy and where I excel…..typing, writing, exercising, reading, out of the box thinking…I am sure there are more…..   

You might have a mental list of activities you aren’t good at, but create another list, of the activities you love and do well.  This is where the ADHD magic occurs, when we stop spending energy on our weaknesses, and focus, instead, on our strengths, interests and passions.