I Am Ready to Share My Secret on How I Created My Contented Life with ADHD

By Cynthia Hammer, MSW, Author of Living with Inattentive ADHD

Today, I realized that ADHD is no longer a big issue in my life. Initially, I couldn't put my finger on when it became a nothing burger for me, but it has. Perhaps learning how I journeyed to wholeness will benefit you.

Stop criticizing yourself! I cannot overstate how important this is.

Self-criticism does not lead to self-improvement. Instead, it is demoralizing, discouraging, and depressing. How helpful can that be? It doesn't motivate you to improve; it only tears you down.

Over the years, often unconsciously, you may have internalized comments others made about you, and you repeat these negative comments to yourself whenever you believe you have failed.

Or you have your own judgments about your performance that replay and replay in your head.

THIS NEEDS TO STOP!

To create an improved life, you must become aware of your negative self-talk and squelch it at its source—you!  Make this your goal and your commitment.

I started by telling myself that I had to say something positive for every negative thing I said about myself. This was so annoying and arduous that I stopped saying critical things.

Instead, I became curious. Why was I doing something that I found fault with? Did I want to work on fixing the flaw or did I want to keep criticizing myself for something I wanted to change?  Once I recognized something was a problem, I decided to fix it.

Because people with ADHD often lack self-awareness, stopping and analyzing what contributes to a problem is difficult for us. We don’t want to take the time, but this is where the pedal hits the metal.

I am not implying it is easy—and for me, it only became possible after being medicated for my ADHD—but it is the only way forward—to analze problem behaviors and develop solutions.

 I call the arduous process, “Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps”  Self-reliance and hard work are the sole factors to achieve  success. I looked at the challenges in my life and worked on fixing as many of them as possible, ONE AT A TIME!  Do not overwhelm yourself and quit in frustration because you attempted to change too many things at the same time.  Work on changing just one thing at a time.    

Here's an example that employs the curious, problem-solving, one-step-at-a time approach.

Why am I always late for meetings?

1.    Because I have nothing presentable to wear. Fix it.
Get everything in your closet ready to wear and maintain it.

2.    Because I don't leave myself enough time to get ready. Fix it.
Learn how long it takes to shower, dress, groom, pack essentials, etc. Stop whatever you are doing to allow yourself adequate preparation time.

3.      Because I have trouble stopping what I am doing to get ready. Fix it.
Recognize this weakness. Become wise to your wily ways. Set an alarm. Remind yourself that being on time is important to you. Make a commitment that you want to be someone on time and willing to do the work to make it possible.

4.    Because I don't leave enough time to get there. Fix it. Realistically, figure out when you need to leave your house and commit to leaving your home with more than enough time to get to your engagements on time. Don't fudge. Don't give yourself any leeway. Be ruthless.

If you take this analytical approach to the challenges in your life and work to fix them—one at a time—you will make progress.

Although I haven't eliminated all my challenges ADHD, I have reduced them to where I believe I am a capable person who, like everyone else in life, has challenges. Perhaps my challenges are more than others, that may be, but I focus on the positives and don't dwell on negativity.

If you focus on reducing your negative thoughts and creating new behaviors that mitigate many of your ADHD challenges, you will be on your way to a happier, kinder self.