My Late ADHD Diagnosis Gave Me the Freedom to Stop Explaining Myself

Written By Cynthia Hammer, MSW

by Mayre Flores

Having to explain what ADHD is like to those who’ve known me for most of my life has probably been one of the most challenging parts of my late ADHD diagnosis.

It was one thing to struggle for over 20 years. But it was another to revisit the past. All the decisions I made just to get by — like placing my goals and plans on hold simply because “things just weren’t working out this time.” What that really meant was that the goal was too hard for me to achieve and I felt discouraged. I’d hear about the things other kids in the family had already accomplished and to be honest, that just made me feel worse.I’m a big people-pleaser.

I wish that everyone could fully understand me and my ADHD. But the reality is not everyone will — especially those who grew up believing that ADHD is an excuse for being lazy or unreliable.

If I were to tell those people that I have ADHD, they wouldn’t believe me or accept my experience as reality. They would say things like “Everyone forgets sometimes.” Or “Who doesn’t put things off?” This isn’t helpful or encouraging. Comments like that only leave me feeling invalidated.

The truth is, I forget things and I put things off. I succeed in plenty of things, but despite my best efforts, I fall short. I haven’t reached some life goals yet because I spent a good chunk of my past struggling to understand why I was the way that I was. People compared me to others who didn’t experience the same hurdles I did. Life was difficult — until I was finally diagnosed.

My ADHD diagnosis was a game-changer. It gave me the confidence I needed to make decisions for me and not for the approval of others. It gave me the freedom to no longer explain — specifically to people who don’t understand — why my path is different compared to others.

I don’t have to explain my ADHD or why I’m different. I just am. And I am exactly where I need to be. My dreams will all come together in time and that’s OK.

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Thank you Mayre for giving us permission to share your writing.

 

Cynthia Hammer, MSW

Cynthia Hammer, MSW, was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in 1992 when she was 49 years old. The following year she created the non-profit organization, ADD Resources, with a mission to educate adults and helping professionals about ADHD in adults. She ran the organization for 15 years before retiring.

During the Covid isolation she wrote a book about her life with inattentive ADHD which should be published by the end of this year. In writing the book, she was dismayed to learn that children with inattentive ADHD continue to be under-diagnosed and adults with inattentive ADHD often are incorrectly diagnosed with depression or anxiety.

She created a new non-profit in 2021, the Inattentive ADHD Coalition (www.iadhd.org), to create more awareness about inattentive ADHD and the need for early diagnosis and treatment.

https://www.iadhd.org
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Masking my ADHD at Work Was Exhausting, So I Stopped