Don’t You Just Hate It When You Say, “I Have ADHD,” and They Say, “I Have a Bit of ADHD, Too” ?

Written By Cynthia Hammer, MSW

By Cynthia Hammer, MSW

They may have thought they were offering words of comfort, but it was not comforting.  Instead, it felt like they were diminishing the significance of my ADHD. 

Inside I was annoyed and hurt by their words, but without knowing how to respond, I said nothing.

Now I have a response ready!  Here is what I plan to say.

Everyone occasionally experiences the symptoms of ADHD—forgetfulness, distractibility, the procrastination.   That is only natural because the symptoms of ADHD exist on a spectrum, from mild and infrequent, to severe and often.  You may have a bit of ADHD while anyone diagnosed with ADHD has a whole mouthful.

To tell me you have a bit of ADHD is like telling a person who is 100 pounds overweight, and you are just 3 pounds overweight, that you need to lose weight.  I don’t think you would do that.  You would know it is hurtful to say, “I’m overweight,” to someone who is truly obese.  Similarly, it is hurtful to me when you say, “I have a bit of ADHD,” when your “ADHD” means an occasional nuisance; not the full-time, lifetime challenge that I experience.  

But your experiences of an occasional “bit of ADHD” means you can imagine what it is like to have ADHD as a constant in your life. You can understand how debilitating it is, and I hope, this encourages you to be empathetic and supportive when I struggle. 

Cynthia Hammer, MSW

Cynthia Hammer, MSW, was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in 1992 when she was 49 years old. The following year she created the non-profit organization, ADD Resources, with a mission to educate adults and helping professionals about ADHD in adults. She ran the organization for 15 years before retiring.

During the Covid isolation she wrote a book about her life with inattentive ADHD which should be published by the end of this year. In writing the book, she was dismayed to learn that children with inattentive ADHD continue to be under-diagnosed and adults with inattentive ADHD often are incorrectly diagnosed with depression or anxiety.

She created a new non-profit in 2021, the Inattentive ADHD Coalition (www.iadhd.org), to create more awareness about inattentive ADHD and the need for early diagnosis and treatment.

https://www.iadhd.org
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