To Be Successful with ADHD, Foster a Resilient Mindset
by Alex Hey, ADHD Coach and Inattentive ADHD Coalition board member
Perseverance
Why ignore reality? Life with ADHD can get tough. There are struggles aplenty. I do not have to describe them to you. Chances are, you know what I am talking about.
In the moments when life seems complicated, what do you do? The answer is in a scene from the 2003 movie Finding Nemo. Marlin is sad that his son is missing and is ready to stop looking for him. Then Dory swims up and encourages Marlin to "just keep swimming.”
Out of context, the advice "just keep swimming" sounds silly and unhelpful. However, when understood in its context, it is a perfect piece of advice. We may not be swimming, but we can keep going. It can be challenging to keep moving forward, but that is our best choice. Granted, it is not easy, but it is necessary to make progress. So, how does one stick with it?
Make a Vow
A vow is a solemn promise. By vowing to do whatever it takes, you become accountable to yourself. We feel unworthy if we give up on something we promised to do. To avoid the bad feeling, you get the job done. ADHDers don't like feeling bad (actually, no one does). It becomes more appealing to get the thing done if we know we will feel awful if we don't get it done.
Some people with ADHD struggle to hold themselves accountable. I get this. I know what my promise is worth...a little more than zilch. I have vowed to do things and still haven't followed through. So, let's look at some ADHD-friendly ways to build perseverance.
Accept Failure
Perseverance matters when you hit a difficult spot and choose to keep going. Even if you fail, keep going. Try again and again. In the 2006 movie Rocky Balboa, the title character encourages his son to keep moving forward when life gets hard. He says, "It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" We can learn from the Italian Stallion to accept that when things don't go our way, we keep moving forward anyway. Embracing failure is okay. We can learn from it, but we have to keep going.
Perseverance comes from failing and getting back up. Failure is necessary to become resilient. So you must change your relationship with failure to see it as a lesson rather than a setback. You can learn so much from failure that changing your attitude toward it can have incredible implications for your life
Have a Growth Mindset
One of the best ways to learn from failure is to have a growth mindset--a way of looking at the world focused on growing. With a growth mindset, you don't say, "I can't do that." You say, "I have not yet mastered that. Having a growth mindset makes persevering easier.
Have a Cheerleader
One of the best ways to keep persevering when things get difficult is to have a cheerleader who supports you no matter what. You want someone in your corner rooting for you to succeed. This person inspires you to keep moving forward in the face of difficulties.