Don’t You Just Hate It When You Say, “I Have ADHD,” and They Say, “I Have a Bit of ADHD, Too”?

By Cynthia Hammer, MSW, Executive Director, Inattentive ADHD Coalition, www.iadhd.org

They may have thought they were offering words of comfort, but it was not comforting. Instead, it felt like they were diminishing the significance of my ADHD.

Inside I was annoyed and hurt by their words, but without knowing how to respond, I said nothing.

Now I have a response ready! Here is what I plan to say.

 Everyone occasionally experiences the symptoms of ADHD—forgetfulness, distractibility, the procrastination. That is only natural because the symptoms of ADHD exist on a spectrum, from mild and infrequent, to severe and often. You may have a bit of ADHD while anyone diagnosed with ADHD has a whole mouthful.

To tell me you have a bit of ADHD is like telling a person who is 100 pounds overweight, and you are just three pounds overweight, that you need to lose weight.  I don’t think you would do that. You would know it is hurtful to say, “I’m overweight,” to someone who is truly obese.  Similarly, it is hurtful to me when you say, “I have a bit of ADHD,” when your “ADHD” means an occasional nuisance; not the full-time, lifetime challenge that I experience. 

But your experiences of an occasional “bit of ADHD” means you can imagine what it is like to have ADHD as a constant in your life. You can understand how debilitating it is, and I hope, this encourages you to be empathetic and supportive when I struggle. 

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