A Neurodivergent Person’s Dilemma
Since it is unrealistic to expect the world will change to accommodate a person's lack of social skills, the wise choice is to make an extra effort to learn to do things that come naturally to others.
But it can be confusing. We don’t want to mask, but we do want to adapt. How do we tell the difference? This explanation may help.
Many neurodivergent people mask, hiding who they are to fit in with their neurotypical peers. We make small talk or pretend to be interested in topics that bore us. Masking can make you anxious as you worry, “If I don’t mask perfectly, they will recognize my difference and reject me?”
Some neurodivergent people quit the traditional workforce to avoid the pressure to be something they aren’t. But to be a solo entrepreneur, we do need some neurotypical skills.
How do we draw the line between adaptation-- making changes that we decide are worthwhile-- and conformity-- doing something to fit in and meet external expectations?
To succeed at work or in relationships, we need to understand the unwritten rules and prepare to adapt. We may choose to learn a skill that doesn’t come naturally because it helps us be successful. Choosing to learn a challenging skill, I call adaptation, and our motivation is positive.
With masking, the motivation for fitting in is fear and anxiety. What is the reason for your behavior? A desperate desire to be accepted or a rational choice to be more successful?
Jack Ori connect@jackaori.com